You can set up the coziest corner in your classroom, fill it with soft pillows, sensory tools, and calming visuals. You can spend time picking the perfect weighted blanket and color-changing lights. But here's the thing: if children don't know how to use it, it won't work.

As a pediatric speech-language pathologist and early intervention specialist, I visit child care classrooms weekly and see this all the time. Teachers have invested in beautiful materials and designed a great space, but children aren't using them. Not because the calm down area isn't appealing, but because no one has actually taught them how to use this area.

It's tempting to think children will naturally gravitate to these tools when they need them. But here's what we know from child development: self-regulation is a skill (and it starts with co-regulation). Like learning to use a napkin, share a toy, or sit at circle time, using any kind of calm down area or cozy corner must be taught, modeled, and practiced with intention.

Why Teaching Regulating Emotions Matters More Than The Actual Stuff For Regulating Emotions

Before we dive into the how, let's talk about why this matters. Many teachers assume that once they label a space as a "calm down corner" children will intuitively understand its purpose and use it independently. However, when a child is having big emotions, they don't automatically think, "Oh, I should use that space and this tool to help myself calm down."

Young children, especially toddlers and preschoolers, need explicit instruction. They need to see what self-regulation looks like, hear the language that goes with it, and practice it over and over in calm moments before they can access these skills during actual emotional moments.

Modeling Emotional Regulation is Key

Here's the most powerful tool in your toolkit: you.

Children learn best by watching adults. Your calm is their calm (co-regulation). This means you'll want to intentionally model using the calm down corner throughout your day, not just when a child is dysregulated, but during calm times too.

Here are some examples:

Narrate what you're doing. Say out loud: "I feel a little frustrated right now. I'm going to go sit in the calm down corner for a few minutes and take some deep breaths. This helps my body feel better." Then literally go sit in the calming corner and take some deep breaths. Invite the kids to join you!

Demonstrate specific tools. Pick up a stress ball, fidget toy, or bottle of glitter and show children how to use it. Say: "When I feel worried, squeezing this ball helps calm me down." Invite them to give it a try.

Use visuals while you model. If you have an "I Feel, I Need" visual or emotion chart, point to it and say: "My face looks like this right now [point to frustrated face]. I feel frustrated. I need to take some quiet time, so I'm going to sit with my blanket."

Invite children to join you. You might say, "I'm going to the calm down corner for a few minutes. Would anyone like to join me?" Some children might just sit nearby while you take deep breaths. Others might use a sensory tool alongside you. There's no pressure for them to do anything, you're just showing them it exists and how it works.

Do this regularly. Model when you're slightly frustrated about waiting for lunch, when you need to reset between activities, or when you're transitioning between tasks. The goal is for children to see that all of us — adults and children alike — sometimes need to pause and regulate.

Practice Makes Perfect When Using A Calm Down Corner

Modeling gets the ball rolling, but practice is what builds the skill. Here's the key: practice should happen during calm times not when the child is having big feelings.

If they can’t use the tools when they are calm, I assure you they will not use the tools when they are emotionally dysregulated.

Imagine trying to teach someone how to swim while they're drowning, it just doesn't work. We have to practice when everyone is calm! Just like we teach swimming in a calm pool.

Here are intentional ways to weave practice into your day:

1. Build it into story time. When you're reading a picture book, pause at moments when characters have big feelings. Ask: "Hmm, this character looks really upset. What could they do in a calm down corner?" Let children brainstorm ideas. You might model: "I think they could use the breathing bottle" or "Maybe they'd like to wrap up in a cozy blanket." Then let the kids role play, pretend they are the character and use the tool! Below are books I love to practice this skill.

image of books used to talk about feelings — Click the image to see all our book suggestions

2. Create a classroom routine. A new child care and I just started a "calm down corner practice" activity at the beginning of their circle time. We put a basket of fidgets and calm down tools in the center of circle and then sing this song to the tune of “London Bridges”:

“It’s time for circle, go sit down, go sit down, go sit down. It’s time for circle, go sit down. And grab a fidget.”

Everybody (adults and kids) picks something from the basket and starts using their tool while they wait for everyone to transition. Circle time starts with a quick practice of one or two of the tools, a very brief discussion of how they help our body feel calm, and then they go back in the basket and circle starts. It has seriously been a game changer for the circle time transition and getting opportunities to practice regulating emotions when everyone is calm!

3. Give Reminders. Before transitions that are often tricky (cleanup time, going from free play to table top time, etc) you can say, "Remember our calm down corner? If you feel frustrated during cleanup, you can use a tool to help you stay calm."

A Realistic Timeline

Self-regulation starts with co-regulation. It is a process, not an instant fix, and it takes practice! If you implement a calm down corner and expect children to independently use it within a week, you'll likely feel frustrated. But if you commit to consistent modeling, practice, and intentional language for 4-8 weeks, you'll start seeing real changes.

We have a freebie for you!

If you're looking to make an effective calm down area, grab our free guide. It walks you through the materials, setup, and teaching strategies- Everything you need to create a calm down corner that actually works.